EMDR Therapy for Couples: The Link Between Emotions and Motion
“The research provides evidence of a causal link between motion and emotion, by showing that bodily movements influence the recollection of emotional memories, as well as the speed with which they are recalled.” - Scienceblogs.com
Many of our most powerful memories, the ones that are laden with emotion and trauma, are connected with body movements. These are sometimes the movements we did at the time or they are movements that we’ve made a habit when the memory surfaces.
For couples, this can create a feedback loop. A gesture from one partner sparks an emotion/memory in the other partner, and soon both partners are engaged in an unconscious dance that spirals out of control.
In Lancaster, PA, Laura Morse, LPC, founder of Sun Point Counseling, is using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy for couples to help break that cycle and reprogram both partners to respond more appropriately.
“By working with both partners, we’re able to alleviate the distress that both feel from the traumatic events they’ve shared or experienced individually,” Morse said. “We’re able to disconnect the body’s defensive systems from old emotions, reprogram a new set of positive beliefs, and relieve the distress that each partner feels in their present relationship.
“Often, the traumas predate the relationship by decades. The partner isn’t the cause of the trouble, but they are now associated with the pain that one is carrying. Other times, the trauma has occurred in the relationship. Either way, EMDR, combined with other techniques, can be a powerful way to restart the relationship and reinspire passion in both partners’ lives.
“If you’re working on your relationship, you need to clear out the old habits and beliefs and start over again. That’s what EMDR does in a gentle, simple manner.”
What is EMDR?
Under the direction of a therapist, the couple uses lateral eye movements and sometimes bodily movements, like hand-tapping or audio stimulation, to access their traumatic memory network.
Once those memories are exposed, the therapist can help forge new pathways. When the memory presents itself, a simple, barely noticeable body gesture can stop the person from reliving the trauma and allows them to move into a new, more productive memory set.
There are three basic steps:
The past events that cause the distress are processed with the help of your therapist. New associative links are created to make it easier to adapt to a new mindset.
Current circumstances that cause distress are looked at. The triggers, both internal and external that are associated with this distress, are desensitized.
Envisioned future events are now associated with certain triggers. This allows the person to move to a positive state in their lives.
How is EMDR used with couples?
The first part of EMDR therapy addresses each person’s individual traumas. Some are associated with their partner, but often they are not. In many instances, the triggers that are causing distress in the couple’s lives is the result of old triggers, old traumas that never actually had anything to do with the other person.
Sometimes, the couple needs to separate and work on their distresses individually outside the context of the couple's counseling.
This sharing and reprogramming of the individuals often creates a powerful bond between them. They get to see their partner at their most vulnerable.
This type of trauma therapy can help the other heal while healing the relationship.
The Couple’s Issues
When the trauma has occurred in the context of the relationship, such as infidelity, the traumatized partner will often have what most of us know as a visceral response. Their thinking brain, the one that knows their partner loves them and that they made a mistake, stops working. They aren’t really in control of their thinking and often simply head down a track that has been well-worn by reliving the same trauma over and over.
Using the power of EMDR, that partner can learn to stop this cascade, creating space for the healing that’s needed.
At the same time, the partner that caused the trama is exposed to their loved one’s pain in an intimate way. They too learn to stop the cascade of emotions and reactions that create a negative and painful situation.
Why counseling? - A note from Laura Morse
I’m often asked if counseling, like EMDR, can help couples to heal from shared traumas, even traumas they inflicted on each other.
The short answer is yes. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is incredibly powerful. Your brain is wired to take cues from your eyes. If we reprogram our eye movements to help us change how we respond to stimulus, it can change our entire lives.
By traveling through the traumas of your shared lives, both of you can heal individually and together.
The life of a couple is complex. It can include the traumas we’ve been talking about. It might involve sexual dysfunctions. It might include traumas that long predate the relationship.
No matter what it is, it simply requires that you have a commitment to each other and that you get the right counseling and care.
The goal is to help you make positive changes in your lives and grow together. No matter what your concerns are, we can work through them and create a bond that’s stronger and more complete than ever before.
If you’re seeking couples counseling in the Lancaster, PA, area, see the team at Sun Point Wellness Center. By combining the power of EMDR with sex therapy and other traditional couples’ counseling, we can help you find the peace and power in your relationship that is the whole reason for finding someone to share your life with.
