Feeling Pressured to Have Sex? How to Communicate Your Needs and Boundaries

Understand Your Desires 

For us to communicate our wants, needs, and boundaries, we first have to know what they are. Your need for setting boundaries might be coming from unprocessed emotions and traumatic events that you don’t necessarily know how to interpret or unpack. During a counseling session, your therapist can help you declutter and reorganize your past experiences in a way that you can understand what you desire for your future. 

A therapist can also help you explore the underlying reasons for your discomfort or why you are feeling pressured to have sex. Do you have emotional needs that are being neglected? Have you been struggling with sexual performance or dysfunction? Have other life changes been influencing your sexual needs and desires? 

Assumptions and Expectations

As time goes by, our preferences and needs change. We sometimes forget to communicate this with our partners. It could be that something you felt comfortable with doing a few years back is now something that causes discomfort. You don’t need to feel guilty for changing your mind, it is, however, your responsibility to communicate this with your partner. 

When we are very close to someone, it’s easy to assume that we know what the other person wants and needs. In long-term relationships, we sometimes neglect communication around expectations because we assume that we know our own and our partner’s needs. Discussing your expectations around the frequency of having sex could also help manage both your expectations and take away some of the pressure you or your partner might be feeling. 

Healthy relationships are almost synonymous with compromise. We feel best when we can give to others without losing ourselves. After discussing your sexual desires and expectations, take some time to brain storms ways in which you can please each other while feeling comfortable and confident. 

Share the Good Stuff

Sometimes we are so focused on what doesn’t feel right that we forget to mention what we do enjoy and what our partner is doing right. Practice communicating a boundary while reinforcing what is working, for instance: “I love it when you touch my lower back when moving past me or giving me an unexpected hug, but I don’t always want those touches to escalate to sex”. To not break your partner’s spirit, you can also mention what you are willing to try from their list of desires. That way, you feel control instead of pressure. 

Suggest Other Ways to Connect

Another way to build on the connection that you already share is by varying the activities that make you feel close. If you are looking for other ways to be intimate that don’t involve touching, read this article about no-touch intimacy on our blog. Many times, having your needs met could lead to being more open to exploring new things. 

Remember, you deserve to be loved and your boundaries respected. If you have difficulty communicating or understanding your needs, our practice in Lancaster is the place for you. We take pride in our inclusivity and offer a non-judgmental space for mental health, self-discovery and healing. Follow the link to browse through our team of counseling professionals.