Do you find yourself drifting in and out of relationships. Excited in the first few months but, eventually, it wanes and even boredom sets in. You end up seeking the next person to bring that excitement back. You like the ‘in’ love feeling, almost crave it. A repetitive pattern is never by fluke. It’s trying to tell you something.
This is just one form of love addiction. A lot of us tend to find we repeat relationship patterns. We start afresh with someone new, but it ends up feeling frighteningly familiar to the last relationship. It’s true we can carry baggage from one relationship to the next, but what if it’s deeper than that? What if it’s a deeply held belief you have about yourself?
You may find yourself getting bored easily, maybe running away from something. Maybe closeness or intimacy scares you. You try to end the relationship before getting too attached, saving yourself from the heartache in the long run. Or maybe you’re trying to fill an emptiness you feel inside. And if you don’t manage to fill that void, you’re no longer believing that the person you’re dating is ‘the one’ and you try to move on quickly.
If you feel incomplete in some way, the only person that can complete you….is you. It’s an outdated notion to expect to find your ‘other half’- the soul mate, the ‘one’. What if you already ARE a complete and whole person. Relationships need to be an ‘addition’ to your life, rather than something that provides a band aid of some sort. How you feel about yourself will always be reflected in the kind of relationships you choose to find yourself in.
A re-learning has to occur. Love is not just a feeling, it’s an ability. Anyone can say ‘I love you’. But to be able to show it is another matter. To learn to love yourself as well as another, you have to go back to basics and ask yourself what do you want in a partner and why? If it’s to feel important or to be needed, where does that come from? By analyzing, you will be able to break the negative patterns and live more authentically and in the now.
Come to talk to one of our expert therapists today to talk more about your romantic relationships and set goals in counseling.